Lukas Graham - 7 Years

Enough pissing around from me with this, it's time for a massive rant, because I loathe this in its entirety. It is easily the worst song I have heard in the last 12 months, and a contender for worst of the decade.

There is a whole raft of problems I have with this, and watch out because it could get ugly.

I'll list what I have here now, and I'll probably keep adding to it whenever I think of more:

- Musically, it is weak, boring rubbish that's just a pain to listen through. You're bored out of your brains by a minute in, and it does not get any better.

- Lyrically it is utterly dire. Some weak, pandering bullshit about growing up conveyed with all the honesty and integrity of Bill Clinton's Lewinsky scandal speech. The beginning was bad enough to start off, but once we get to the "Once I was eleven years old my daddy told me/ Go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely", we have reached the point of no return. Are you honestly claiming that, as well as your mother's slightly less shitty advice, to be significant life moments? Have you really gone and based the decisions of your life of those little shit-nuggets of wisdom? Fuck your parents and their worthless statements.

I really hate songs that sprout off bad parental advice (Karmin's "Acapella" is another offender in this department), but this just notches up the crap to another level, and it is completely insufferable.

Another thing I should point out is that you can tell that English isn't the first language for these guys. I'm not complaining about their attempts at learning another language (it's actually something I highly encourage), but what I'm saying is that everything just sounds so Goddamn awkward and there is no natural flow to it. You can tell because the singer keeps relying on the same constant turns of phrase, particular the "Once/soon I was/I'll be (so many) years old". It sounds as if it is breaking some law of the English language, because this is now how the language is meant to sound.

Also, the revelations that the singer come to here are extraordinarily weak. Since his life lessons, as I've explained, basically mean nothing to me, the best revelations we seem to get here are that once they were all 7, 11 and 20 years old, and, if they live to that age, they will soon be 30 and 60 years old as well (the lead singer being 27 years old at the time of recording).

Not to go all Adam Buckley here, but shit, if you're 27 years old now, then you must have been aged 7, 11 AND 20 years old at points in your life, and, if you live an extra 3 years, then you will be 30 years old AND if you live an extra 33 years, then you will be 60 years old. Wow! What an epiphany! Did you come up with that all by yourself?!? Hang on a second, let me go get the Nobel Prize polished up for you!

All in all, this is just lowest common denominator with no creativity whatsoever.

- Lukas's voice is simply unbearable. Despite this scourge on humanity, I still might give some of their other songs a listen just to see if all of their other songs are as bad as this (yes, that's how forgiving I can be, and no, it's not at the top of my priority list), but I'm not too eager to hear another wretched syllable come out of this guy's mouth ever again. But then again, I try to listen to a lot of music, so you never know what will happen.

- That is an obscene chart run. 8 weeks at #1 (and counting) is currently Australia's greatest shame, and one day we will look back on this being at #1 and really question what was going wrong with the country at this point in time, and drove people to buy such dirge.

It is also blocked Alan Walker from #1. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

- The album title. Okay, this isn't a complaint about the song, but Weezer have named their albums after colours (I suppose they're not the only band to do this (e.g. The Beatles' "White Album"), but it is the main one I think of that made a SERIES of colour albums), and, in fact, released a "Blue Album" in 1994, which I'm sure is superior to this Lukas Graham record. The fact that I just mentioned Weezer and Lukas Graham in the same sentence also made me throw-up in my mouth a little bit as well.

- Overplay. I think this one basically explains itself. Please piss off and never come back.

And I can say that even with all the awful music in the top end of the charts now (One Call Away, Gold, Pillowtalk, Love Yourself, Hands to Myself, Work etc.), the fact that I can say that this is head-and-shoulders above the rest in how contemptuously bad this is is a testament to its worst-of-the-decade nominee credentials.

I really don't like to go in to rant mode like this, but rubbish like this really deserves it. Piss off Lukas Graham, and never come back please, for the sake of humanity.
Laatst gewijzigd: 18/04/2016 17:54